O' Herring Where Art Thou?

It has become painfully obvious that Auburn’s new spread offense is not taking off quickly, and if we’re being honest, it’s going to be next year until we have a consistent offense that can be counted on. To take my mind off of this, we’re going to do what we do best:

Blame Will Herring for everything.

Herring is to blame for the atrocious punting Saturday night. Word on the street is that he injected starting punter Clinton Durst with the H5N1 strand of the bird flu, and then dosed backup Ryan Shoemaker with a stunning portion of Sambuca Inferno Ice early Saturday morning.

Last week, Chris Todd kept getting voicemails from a blocked number that repeated over and over again, “You’re like Ben Leard with less talent and mobility.” This image was also printed out on a dot matrix printer and put under the windshield wiper of his car:
It’s unclear whether this was done by Kodi the Burninator or Will Herring, so we’ll just go with Herring on this one.

Kodi the Burninator has apparently been kidnapped and is being held in a jungle fortress near Decatur being guarded by a vicious group of South Columbian rebels. This has Herring written all over it.

Herring had a Seahawks intern fly down to Auburn and steal the running portion of their playbook, replacing it with a single copy of the Mike Shula i-formation run up the middle play (AKA “the Darby Play”).

Herring disguised himself as new Offensive Coordinator/Quarterbacks Coach Tony Franklin and had Chris Todd run extra reps telling him to “throw the ball more like a rainbow because it’s dramatic and the receivers think it’s more fun that way.”

The number “35” was spray painted on a security golf cart near the south endzone. This didn’t really hurt Auburn, but practically screams “Herring was here!”

After the game, offensive lineman Lee Ziemba said the LSU defender got by him to sack Todd for a 15 yard loss on Auburn’s final drive because he “saw a shiny 1979 Susan B. Anthony dollar on the ground right before the play started”. Knock knock. Who’s there? Herring.

I rest my case…