Week 1 Wrap Up

We will be handing out 10 awards after every week of college football. These awards are not “official” NCAA awards, but they do come with fabulous prizes. The prizes mostly consist of Drew doing some kinky things with the head coaches. I try not to ask questions. Anyway, here we go.

“The William Wallace Award” (awarded to player with enough guts to yell as he gets decapitated!):
Kevin Craft, QB for the UCLA Bruins. When you throw four interceptions in the first half of a game, and then come back out and lead your team on two successful TD drives. You my friend have nerves and balls of steel.

“The Big Man, Small Penis Award” (to the team that seemed big, but disappointed in the end):
Pittsburgh Panthers. Not much of a contest here. Pittsburgh believed the hype and got beat at home by Bowling Green. Bowling green is ok, but when you are preseason #25 you do not lose at home to Bowling Green.

“The Fuck You Award” (awarded to the team everyone hates, that lost because everyone hates them):
Michigan Wolverines. Most people don’t like the Wolverines, and many dislike their new coach Rich Rodriguez. He needed to deliver a win against a very good Utah team, and he couldn’t deliver. I like to think the hate had something to do with that.

“The Do You Believe in Miracles Award” (awarded to a team that pulled the miracle play or upset):
East Carolina blocking Va Tech’s last punt for a TD. What made this a miracle was not just the fact that the pirates ran this block back for a TD. It was that this was a play that won Coach Beamer many a game. Does your medicine taste bitter Coach Beamer?

“The Goliath Beats David Award” (awarded to the power house team that murdered a shitty team):
USC’s slaughter of woeful Virginia. Ever seen a muscular man fighting a scarecrow, Virginia put up less of a fight then the scarecrow. This was men against boys, as Mark Sanchez and company demolished and dominated Virginia in every possible.

“The Drawn & Quartered Award” (for the coach that is going to be fired and murdered by his fans):
Dave Wannstedt, Head coach of the Pitt Panthers. Already on the hot seat before the season began the faithful at Pitt were giving Coach Dave one more chance. He is not off to a great start. A Big East championship good still save his career, but that looks very doubtful now.

“The Will Herring Award” (to the player that strives to lose the game for his team!):
Sean Glennon, QB of the Virginia Tech Hokies. Beamer’s decision of picking Glennon as his starter and red-shirting Tyrod Taylor had a lot of people scratching their heads. After the beat down by ECU we really are confused. Glennon was terrible in almost every aspect of the game, ECU really didn’t play that well. When his team needed him to make plays Glennon came up very short.

“The Voltron Award” (to the QB with a rocket arm, and a sword made of energy. Think about it.):
Graham Harrell, QB for the Texas Tech Red Raiders. Granted they were playing Eastern Washington, but 536 frigging passing yards. This team does not know the meaning of the word run. Graham, I hope you rest that arm because your Coach Mike Leach is throwing his rushing play book away.

“The Einstein Award” (given to the commentator or analyst who actually got it right this week):
Kirk Herbstreet, Host of ESPN College Gameday. My boy Herbstreet was on it this week. He hinted Bama might beat Clemson by more than a touchdown, he predicted upsets at Virginia Tech and Pitt, and he’s damn good looking.

“Team of the Week” (I hope I don’t have to explain this):
Alabama Crimson Tide. Sorry guys this is not a biased pick. Alabama and Clemson took a risk by playing one of the only two high risks games this week, the other being Mizzou and Illinois, and for the Tide it paid dividends. The Mizzou and Illinois game was good, but stayed close. Alabama dominated almost every aspect of the game. They controlled the line of scrimmage and ran the ball very well. They might fall apart next week, but this was the week of the Tide!