Five for Friday

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Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the greatest schedule in the history of college football. This schedule is not great for the content held within, but for the ingenious presentation. I hope that every single Division I NCAA school follows suit. Hell, I hope every Division II school follows suit. I would have a much better idea of who was playing who if that happened. This lovely find courtesy of Poon of the SEC

Now, with no ado, here are the picks for the five most interesting match ups of the week, as determined by a panel of experts entirely devoid of expertise:

Boston College will have a wicked huge hahd ahn for Georgia Tech. After this weekend, only one of the two undefeated teams in the ACC will retain that distinction. Is the ACC the new Big Ten? Only time will tell on that one. On paper, BC should be able to handle the Yellow Jackets, as they have returned a very solid front four on offense. Ga Tech may be able to put up quite a fight here, as Paul Johnson and his option offense will give the Eagles a few looks that they may not have seen… since high school.

Auburn will make Southern Miss. squeal like a pig. Hey, if we’re going to be referred to as rednecks down on the farm (note to Alabama fans: Pot, meet Kettle), we might as well embrace it. Besides the fact that they have pretty mouths, the Golden Eagles are going to face the Tigers’ stout defense, consistently deep running corps, and a quarterback who will get more than a single series to get his rhythm going. The Eagles bring a new spread offense to the table, which could give Auburn some serious headaches in the secondary, but the Tigers should easily control both the offensive and defensive lines, and with them, Le game.

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Florida is going to rock Miami like a hurricane. *groan* That one almost hurt to type it was so bad. Florida still has some questions on defense, but with the continued solid play of one Tim “Baby Rhino” Tebow, and the return of Percy Harvin at tailback, the Gators should have enough offensive firepower to end an 6 game losing streak against the ‘Canes dating back to the mid 80’s. Randy Shannon has done an admirable job of bringing Miami toward some sense of respectability in a very short period of time, but in the end, don’t expect them to get the job done. I do, however, expect them to cover the spread. C’mon, you can keep it within 21 points you bunch of thugs.

Stanford is going to commit a cardinal sin on Arizona State. *double groan* You would think that the writing would get funnier as time goes on, but you would be wrong. The Cardinals are coming off a surprisingly good win over Oregon State led by junior tailback Toby Gerhart who had two rushing TDs last week on 19 carries. The Sun Devils’ fate rests solely on the shoulders of QB Rudy Carpenter, who has bulked up 20 lbs over last year in anticipation of a repeat of last year’s 55 sacks on the season. Carpenter’s arm is looking good, and it better, as the Sun Devils’ running game is anemic at best, with Carpenter leading rush yardage in their opener with a stunning 40 yards on 5 attempts. I love writing about Arizona State, as it gives me an excuse to post a picture of some of their hot coeds.

Notre Dame will, unfortunately, have to go to confession after squeaking out a win over San Diego State. I’m having trouble saying anything nice about the pathetic irish, and this is coming from an Irish Catholic writer. Statistically speaking, the Irish can’t be as bad as they were last year. There, I said something nice. Look for the Aztecs to give Weis and Co. fits by using what I can only imagine is a wishbone variant offense, but lose out in the end due to the fact that none of their players weigh more than 200 lbs. Also to look for: Notre Dame in a bowl game if they win more than 4 games this year.