Five for Friday

Partaaaaaaaay!

After last week’s picks turned out to be entirely 100% correct (ed. note: WOOOOOHOOOO!), I’m back with the picks for the 5 most interesting games of week 5, as determined by the Dammit Herring staff. This week is probably going to be full of entirely correct predictions as well, so go ahead and call your bookies, and pay me 10-12% of your winnings on Sunday.

Penn State is going to have to deal with some real estate ownership issues with Illinois. But they’re still going to win the game, because Ron Zook (porno name alert) is still the same Ron Zook that tanked Florida earlier this century. Look for Illini QB Juice Williams to cause some serious trouble for the Nittany Lions defense, and look for the 111th ranked Illini defense to do little to stop whatever Penn State throws at them offensively.

Colorado is going to take up where Wake Forest left off last week, and push Bobby Bowden’s legacy into the septic tank. Dan Hawkins has managed to put together a very tolerable Colorado squad, with his “What’s nepotism got to do with it?” attitude toward quarterback selection, and a defense that is currently in the top 40 in the nation. Meanwhile, Bowden continues to stand on the sidelines during games with no headset on, having no interaction with his players or coaches, and wondering where he is. This sad display of senility seeking to preserve a legacy leaves pseudo-coach Jimbo Fischer hamstrung with an ineffective offense and very little means to recruit for coming years.

Auburn is going to destroy Phillip Fulmer’s last shred of dignity and possibly a half carton of Milk Duds in a route over Tennessee. Look for a sputtering Tigers offense to catch just enough times to hang twenty-something points on Tennessee’s “meh” defense, while a stellar Auburn defense will suffocate Vols QB Jonathon Crompton and hold their rushing game to something around nil. Look for Phillip Fulmer to devour the spilled Milk Duds, Cupcakes, and any small children that come within reach.

Georgia is going to beat Alabama, but probably not by much more than a single TD. The Crimson Tide come into this game with a first string on both sides of the ball that should be able to hold fairly well with anyone in the SEC, but they are hampered by a lack of depth. Meanwhile, the Bulldogs will face their second strong SEC test, and the first one that isn’t named Spurrier. Oh, and Georgia decided to wear their black ensembles for this shindig, which marks the third time ever that they’ve done this. Considering what happened to Auburn last year when they wore those uniforms, Bama might want to go ahead and take the over on the points spread.

Nebraska is going to take Virginia Tech into a corn field and show them some good ‘ol country boy lovin. Is this game going to show that the 3 – 0 cornhuskers are back in the driver’s seat of the tractor, or will this be simply another disappointment in a long line of disappointments? Probably a little of column A and a little of column B. The Cornhusker nation (is that what we’re calling them?) has high hopes for Bo Pellini, and Nebraska’s offense has been unusually productive against the first three cupcakes that they played against. (We interrupt this article with a message from Phil Fulmer: “Did someone say cupcakes?!?”) Look for Frank Beamer’s Hokies to pull some randomly surprising plays, but to lose in the end because, frankly, they just aren’t that good.