Monday Miscellany with Bobby Bowden's Ghost: Upsetting Weekend

Welcome to the week of work preceding the 6th week of college football. Well, you’ll be working, I’ll be playing golf in the afterlife with a small measure of dignity still intact as the robot who is coaching FSU pads my record against Paterno. It almost seems unfair that I get credit for the wins, being dead and all.

Alabama beat the hell out of Georgia and rose to #2 in the AP poll. No one can argue against that. If you’re going to try and use qualifying statements, head on over to the Bulldog message boards. Now let’s go ahead and cue Bama fans’ fervent discussions of how many national championships that their team is going to win this year alone. Talk radio is going to be insufferable this week.

Florida State won a game! At home! And the robot who replaced me in ’97 still isn’t wearing a headset or talking to anyone during the game. Telepathic coaching is going to be the next big thing. I can feel it. Or is that just my bladder control giving way?

Florida loses to Ole Miss on a blocked extra point? “Hello? Mrs. Tebow? Could you put your son on the field please? Thank you, m’aam.” This is a direct result of Florida failing to schedule Auburn or Alabama this year. They had to take a loss to a theoretically lesser team, and Ole Miss drew the long straw.

Michigan beat Wisconsin in the 4th quarter only. Apparently one quarter was all that Rich Rodriguez’s much maligned Wolverines needed, as they dropped 20 points on zee Badgers and sealed a win over a top ten team. Did the whole college football world go upside down this weekend, or are these polls not really accurate at all? Oh… right… Look for USC to be back at #3 in the AP by week 9 because they’re in the largest media market in the country.

Tommy Bowden is the worst coach ever. All he wanted to do growing up was to play racquetball with pasty long-haired effeminate guys. Now he’s dragging my (formerly) good name through the mud by taking what should be a decent team and tanking it on an annual basis. Disowned, and out of the will with ye, my boy!

Phil Fulmer is fat. Nothing really new here, just keeping the issue in the spotlight.