Week 13 Wrap Up: Bikinis!

I will be handing out 10 awards after every week of college football. These awards are not “official” NCAA awards, but they do come with fabulous prizes. The prizes mostly consist of Drew doing some kinky things with the head coaches. I try not to ask questions. Anyway, here we go.

“The William Wallace Award” (awarded to player with enough guts to yell as he gets decapitated!):
Demarco Murray, RB for the Oklahoma Sooners. Why does Murray get this award? For most of the year I’ve heard talk that Murray and other Sooner RBs were the weak part of the mighty Sooner offense. Not this week. Murray ran all over the field for 125 yards, 2 TDs, and also 70 yards worth of receptions. Give the player of the game award to Bradford if you want, but he had all day to throw the ball. Murray simply pounded away. He was almost never stopped.

“The Big Man, Small Penis Award” (to the team that seemed big, but disappointed in the end):
Texas Tech Red Raiders. I think a lot of people thought that Oklahoma was going to win this ball game. Almost every Big 12 showdown this year has come down to who has the ball last. But this game was nothing short of an embarrassment for the Red Raiders. Bradford, Murray, the Oklahoma defense all came up big against Texas Tech. Harrell did fine, but not up to his normal standards and ditto for Crabtree. Oklahoma’s defense came to play and the Texas Tech defense finally showed their true colors. Texas Tech saw its National Championships, Big 12 Title, and Heisman hopes get dashed in one game.

“The Fuck You Award” (awarded to the team everyone hates, that lost because everyone hates them):
Maryland Terrapins. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Does anyone want to win the damned ACC? This week it was Miami and Maryland who controlled things. Guess what happened, they both got beat. Maryland was absolutely embarrassed at home by a fired up Florida State team. FSU scored plenty of points and stifled the Maryland offense. Once again it looks like the ACC championship game will come down to Boston College vs. Virginia Tech. Won’t that be a treat to watch?

“The Do You Believe in Miracles Award” (awarded to a team that pulled the miracle play or upset) :
Oregon State’s last minute bomb sets up a game winning field goal. The Beavers provided a very exciting game on the Versus channel for those of you who were bored watching Oklahoma spank Texas Tech. Down 17-16 with about 50 seconds left, Oregon State’s QB Sean Canfield hit a wide open Sammie Stroughter for a 47 yard pass. The Beavers ran down the clock, and kicker Justin Kahut (who had just missed a PAT) hit a 24 yard field goal as time expired to win the game. Mike Riley and the Beavers smell the Roses, and only the “Civil War” with Oregon stands in their way.

“The Goliath Beats David Award” (awarded to the power house team that murdered a shitty team):
Florida spanks the Citadel. I won’t dignify this game with a comment. Except for that one. And that one.

“The Drawn & Quartered Award” (for the coach that is going to be fired and murdered by his fans):
Charlie Weis, Head Coach of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Notre Dame needs to find some buyout money quick because Notre Dame is sinking fast. Weis needs to come clean and tell the world he was just not meant for the college game. Sorry Charlie but losing to Syracuse proves you don’t belong.

“The Will Herring Award” (to the player that strives to lose the game for his team!):
Max Hall, QB for the BY U Cougars. So you are playing your hated in-state rival and have the potential not only to stop them from going to a BCS bowl, but maybe get a chance to go yourself. What does your starting QB do? Why he throws 5 interceptions of course. The BYU and Max Hall that played TCU showed up again for this game. It cost the Cougars bragging rights, a BCS berth, and most of their dignity.

“The Voltron Award” (to the QB with a rocket arm, and a sword made of energy. Think about it.):
Darryl Clark, QB of the Penn State Nittany Lions. One week you win the “Will Herring” award and two weeks later you a “Voltron award” winner. Darryl Clark had a fantastic game against Michigan State, shredding the Spartan defense for almost 400 yards and 4 TDS, not to mention a running TD. How do those Roses smell Lions? Can we say rematch with Oregon State? Can we say some disappointed Pasadena residents?

“The Blazer Award” (finding a way to lose since 1991.):
Notre Dame Fighting Irish. I won’t go into details since I’ve already talked about this game and team a lot. Notre Dame has great talent and still stinks. It’s nobody’s fault but the coaches. I feel really bad for the seniors. Your final home game and you lose to Syracuse. It doesn’t get worse than that.

“Team of the Week” (I hope I don’t have to explain this):
Oklahoma Sooners. Was it me or did every offensive player on Oklahoma look huge? Oklahoma did almost everything right in this game. They scored rushing TDs, they scored passing TDs, they intercepted Harrell, they picked up fumbles and ran them back for huge yards, and they played stifling defense. Mike Leach looked clueless, the Red Raider o-line looked disgruntled, and Harrell and Crabtree looked flustered. Oklahoma is in the driver’s seat to play in the BCS National Championship game. Scoreboard bitches!

40 Lb Box of Rape

The 40 lb box of rape is here again! After never successfully predicting which game would be the most lopsided of the week, we’ve decided to make this a recap of the worst beating that actually occurred the previous weekend. Enjoy the surprise sex synopsis (there’s some alliteration for your Engrish majors).

This week’s recipient of the donkey punch du jour (almost some more alliteration there) is the Citadel, who had the misfortune to play a Florida squad who is trying to rack up the style points in another bid for the National Championship. All things considered, it was nice of Florida coach Urban Meyer to call off the dogs around the middle of the second quarter, leaving the Gators with a paltry 51 point margin of victory with a final score of 70-19. And I am not being sarcastic when I say that Meyer was being nice, as Florida could have easily hung a hundy on the Citadel without breaking much of a sweat. Baby Rhino Tebow threw for three TDs and Florida had a combined six rushing touchdowns from five different players (surprisingly, none of whom were named Tebow). Despite the score, it wasn’t all about Florida on that field on Saturday. I have it on good authority that most of the mothers of the Citadel players thought their sons looked “very handsome in their uniforms”.

LoLCats: Notre Dame a l’orange edition

In all of the ruckus surrounding Texas Tech’s asswhupping at the hands of Oklahoma, you may have missed that Syracuse, you know, the team that was so bad that they weep openly before games and whose only wins were over Northeastern (that’s a school?) and Louisville, beat the Notre Dame Faltering Irish 24-23.

Nah, you probably didn’t miss that. You, like the bulk of Americans, were squealing with glee as the final score update flashed across the bottom of the screen of whatever tolerable football game you were watching, because you sure as hell weren’t watching this sad excuse for a game. And if you were, would you like to clean my car for free, since you obviously have a tremendous amount of unproductive free time at your disposal.

So to recap, Charlie Weiss is now 28-20 in four years at Notre Dame, giving him approximately the same winning percentages as previous Irish coaches Bob Davie and the much maligned Tyrone Willingham. Kudos go to the ND athletic department, who managed to replace a tolerable coach in Willingham with an insufferable lardass who had one good year off of Willingham’s players, and has consistently led the Irish to ruin since then. The cats… they are laughing at you.

Me Manifesto on Auburn/Georgia

Editor’s Note: Yup, this is a week late, but Auburn didn’t play this weekend, so it’s still valid and… what? No, you shut up.

If I could figure out how to give these posts subtitles, this one would be: The one where I didn’t say “fuck” in front of a little kid.

The game was a lot better than I thought it would be, what with us leading in score for about a quarter of the game, and Kodi the Burninator (yay!) throwing for 179 yards and 1 TD with absolutely no picks (yay again!). The Burninator kept showing glimpses of how good I kept expecting him to be all season, but he has yet to have a game where everything clicks into place. This game was no exception, as Kodi went for a passable 16/30, but failed to deliver the ball accurately during the big end-game drive.

Georgia looked flatter than my abs (that’s pretty flat!) with their only bright spots coming from middle to fair showings from Stafford and Moreno, but even then both of those guys were kept reasonably in check by Auburn’s defense (compared to the West Virginia and Ole Miss games, jackass…).

The real story during the 4th quarter was Georgia’s best players, the zebras. This will come off as a bit whiny and fan biased, and perhaps it is, but you shut up and listen first, then complain. Georgia’s last scoring drive was helped along by a phantom pass interference call against Auburn DB Jerraud Powers, which left coach Tuberville spitting mad and glaring at the offending line judge for the next three plays. On the play following the phantom penalty (that was some serious bullshit), Georgia receiver AJ Green pushes down Auburn DB Walter McFadden way past the line to keep him from getting a good angle on the ball and an interception and… oh what’s that? No flag. A blatant offensive pass interference incident just went uncalled because I’m assuming the same line judge who flagged the previous play was glaring back at Tubbs.

Georgia in effect receives 30 free yards on that series and manages to put up a good throw from Stafford to Green for a TD, taking the lead 17 - 13. Georgia gets Auburn to punt on the next series, goes 3 and out, and pins Auburn back to their 20 or so. The Burninator leads us on a very decent drive with two very solid third down conversions (these are some of the moments where I see Burns’ potential). Auburn gets down to the Georgia 14, and on a 3rd and 1 play, the left side Auburn receiver is blatantly fouled by the Georgia DB (names escape me at this point because I was so incredulous at the turn of events), and once again, the zebras miss it.

I’m not going to be one of these jackasses who says the the refs “cost us the game”, as we had another down on 4th and 1 with 13 seconds left and still failed to get it done, and Burns overthrew Tate in the end zone. But what the refs did was cost Auburn the opportunity to win the game, and stack the odds in Georgia’s favor significantly with a net results of 45 yards that all went in Georgia’s favor. I realize that Georgia was penalized out the wazoo during the first half with 9 penalties for 95 yards, but when the game was on the line, the officials failed to keep it fair. Granted, Auburn has been stagnant in the red zone all year, and Saturday’s game was no exception, but to miss that pass interference call at such a key point in the game is inexcusable. I hope that Tubbs and Auburn file some sort of grievance, for all the fucking good that will do.

On the plus side, I saw an Auburn team that really looked alive for one of the few times this season, and saw the potential for some good things if the administration and Board of Directors stops fucking with this program like it’s a veteran porn star two years past her prime. Oh, and I didn’t say “fuck” or any of the other choice words I had floating in my head for the zebras because a little kid was around at the place where I was watching the game, so good for me.

Week 11 Wrap Up: No Clever Subtitle Edition

I will be handing out 10 awards after every week of college football. These awards are not “official” NCAA awards, but they do come with fabulous prizes. The prizes mostly consist of Drew doing some kinky things with the head coaches. I try not to ask questions. Anyway, here we go.

“The William Wallace Award” (awarded to player with enough guts to yell as he gets decapitated!):
Jacquizz Rodgers, RB for the Oregon State Beavers. This dude impresses the hell out of me. He’s 5’7, doesn’t have a lot of bulk, and plays on the same team as his brother. Oh yeah and he leads the PAC-10 in rushing yards. This dude had this award coming after slicing his way through a USC defense that many say is the best in the country. This week was slow as he only had 144 yards and a TD against a good California team. It makes you think what this guy might accomplish if he was just a little bigger.

“The Big Man, Small Penis Award” (to the team that seemed big, but disappointed in the end):
LSU Tigers. I’ll be the first one to admit that LSU is not that great this year. In fact the Auburn/LSU game was not close because both the teams were so good. It turns out they were just equally weak. But trailing Troy 31-3 at home on homecoming is ridiculous. Look, I give them props for scoring 30 unanswered 4th quarter points, but come on 31-3 against Troy. That’s embarrassing.

“The Fuck You Award” (awarded to the team everyone hates, that lost because everyone hates them):
Mississippi State Bulldogs, Stanford Cardinals, and Illinois Fighting Illini. It was revenge week in the NCAA as Alabama, USC, and Ohio State all faced teams that upset them last year. Bama and USC beat their respective teams by 20 or more points and OSU beat Illinois 30-20. The upsets are fun for the rest of the nation to see, but for the fans of the big programs revenge is a dish best served by beating the shit out a very weak team. Yea!

“The Do You Believe in Miracles Award” (awarded to a team that pulled the miracle play or upset):
Wisconsin gets two back to back safeties to keep Paul Bunyan’s Axe. One safety is bad enough but two in a row should make Minnesota hang its head in collective shame. Especially since the final score was 35-32. Adam Weber, QB of the Golden Gophers, needs to learn that if he thinks he is going down in his end zone; he needs to chuck the ball at the feet of the nearest Minnesota jersey.

“The Goliath Beats David Award” (awarded to the power house team that murdered a shitty team):
Houston routs the Golden Hurricanes [ed. note: It's Golden Hurricane]. Houston wiped the floor with a terrible Tulsa defense. What else is new? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

“The Drawn & Quartered Award” (for the coach that is going to be fired and murdered by his fans):
Bobby Bowden, Head Coach of the Florida State Seminoles. I have all the respect in the world for Bobby Bowden but let’s be honest here, Florida State is not getting better. They are actually getting worse in my opinion. Everything was set for a FSU comeback into the spotlight. They got a lot of press during Gameday this week. They were ranked and they were leading their division in the ACC. All they had to do was knockoff Boston College, but in an embarrassing performance FSU lost 27-17. With games remaining at Maryland and Florida it might be another 7-5 year and a Music City Bowl to look forward to. If that’s good enough for Nole’s fans its good enough for me. Bobby, turn the team over to Jimbo and walk away.

“The Will Herring Award” (to the player that strives to lose the game for his team!):
Christian Ponder, QB for the Florida State Seminoles. Once again FSU blew a big conference game and once again Christian Ponder threw three interceptions. Ponder is very much like his team, sometimes he’s good and sometimes he is horrible. But it’s hard to throw three interceptions against a good BC team and give your team a chance. This loss falls on your shoulders pal. Maybe you should forget about playing and help old Bowden coach.

“The Voltron Award” (to the QB with a rocket arm, and a sword made of energy. Think about it.):
Case Keenum, QB for the Houston Cougars. What can you say about a dude that threw for 400 yards, had 6 TDS and 1 rushing TD, and had no interceptions? Even against Tulsa that is very impressive. This dude has been putting up stats like this all year, and though he may be called a system quarterback, I promise you putting up those kinds of numbers are not easy in any offensive system. Ask Kodi Burns.

“The Blazer Award” (finding a way to lose since 1991.):
Idaho Vandals. Remember when the Vandals were the powerhouse of the WAC conference? Well neither do I. In fact I’m not sure if they’ve ever finished in anything but dead last in the WAC. Take this week. They had a chance to play spoiler to their rival Boise State, or at least make it difficult for them. Instead Boise State beat the literal crap out of them. This team needs to drop to FCS really quick.

“Team of the Week” (I hope I don’t have to explain this):
Oregon State Beavers. What’s that Beaver fans? Can you smell the Roses? Well with a big win over California you put yourself in prime position to win not only a Rose Bowl berth but also the PAC-10 championship. I like this team a lot, I like that they beat USC, I like the Rodgers brother James and Jacquizz, and I like that they beat USC. My boys the Crimson Tide will not be playing this week, and so I will be donning some sort of Oregon State apparel and cheering for them against the Arizona Wildcats.

Why This Site Has Sucked... Lately

I can’t actually explain why this site sucks so much in general, as Kirk does a good job of trying to bring up the general level of quality and factual content around here, but I can explain the lack of updates for the past few weeks.

I thought about going with the old “work was really busy and I was out of town for a week for vacation” bit, but I knew that all four of the people who read this site would never buy that as an excuse. So here’s the true story: Evil ass garden gnomes have conspired to destroy this site, and with it, the very fabric of America (that may be a bit of an overstatement, but go with me here). These little buggers are like that Travelocity roaming gnome, except instead of getting you moderately priced travel bundles, they take down your internet connection, slash your tires, and punch you in the groin when you’re in line for pretzels at the mall (or as I like to call it: my most vulnerable moment).

So there you have it. There’s your explanation. The only way that we can stop this travesty and get this site back on track is to do the following: Take every garden gnome you find and throw it into the closest trash compactor. This is the only way that we, the Dammit Herring army will be able to continue our campaign for global dominat… er… I mean this is the only way that I’ll be able to update on a more regular basis. Yeah, that’s it.

Week 10 Wrap Up: More Kittens!

I will be handing out 10 awards after every week of college football. These awards are not “official” NCAA awards, but they do come with fabulous prizes. The prizes mostly consist of Drew doing some kinky things with the head coaches. I try not to ask questions. Anyway, here we go.

“The William Wallace Award” (awarded to player with enough guts to yell as he gets decapitated!):
Rashad Johnson, DB for the Alabama Crimson Tide. Rashad was rewarded for his stellar game with “National Defensive Player of the Week.” Here is a gutsy player who refused to let his offense blow this game. It’s very hard to say that a defensive player single handedly won a game, but you can pretty much say that here. Johnson picked off three passes, one which was run back for a 53 yard TD, and the other a game winning interception in OT. He might have upped his NFL draft status to 1st round after this week, he deserves every penny.

“The Big Man, Small Penis Award” (to the team that seemed big, but disappointed in the end):
Oklahoma State Cowboys. I know I wasn’t alone in thinking that this would be a good game. Sure Texas Tech might win, but it would be a very close game. Graham Harrell fumbled on the first play and the Cowboys put it in for TD shortly after. That was the highlight of the game for Gundy’s team. Tech scored easily through the air on a hapless Cowboy secondary. The Texas win over the Cowboys does not look as impressive.

“The Fuck You Award” (awarded to the team everyone hates, that lost because everyone hates them):
Penn State Nittany Lions. This less of a “Fuck You” award for Penn State, it’s almost a “Love You” award for the Iowa Hawkeyes. No one, except for Penn State, wanted to see the Lions in the BCS Championship, but it looked like that was what was going to happen. Then came Iowa with their back-up kicker and they sealed up a Big 12/SEC championship game. It wasn’t that America hated Penn State, but come on Nittany fans; we deserve a Big 12/SEC matchup. Thanks to the Hawkeyes we are going to get it.

“The Do You Believe in Miracles Award” (awarded to a team that pulled the miracle play or upset) :
Georgia Lineman Saves Game with Interception. My how the mighty have fallen! At the start of the season Georgia was #1 in the nation. This weekend they were fighting for their lives against a terrible Kentucky team. The Bulldog defense was terrible for most of the game. In the 4th quarter with Georgia leading 42-38, Kentucky was once again driving down the field. Kentucky QB Randall Cobb threw a screen pass that was plucked out the air by 282 pd. Demarcus Dobbs. Georgia ran out the clock and saved what would have been a gut wrenching loss.

“The Goliath Beats David Award” (awarded to the power house team that murdered a shitty team):
Ohio State scores all over Northwestern. How would Terrelle Pryor rebound from the bad loss to Penn State; by destroying a very decent Northwestern team. Pryor threw for 3 TDS and Beanie Wells added 140 yards and two TDs. Ohio State is looking better and better and still hopes for a spot in the Rose Bowl. With a little help from Michigan State they might get their fourth straight Big 10 title, and set up a rematch with USC in the Rose Bowl.

“The Drawn & Quartered Award” (for the coach that is going to be fired and murdered by his fans):
Steve Kragthrope, Head Coach of the Louisville Cardinals. Louisville is not a bad team, but losses to Kentucky, Syracuse, and a blowout loss to Pitt has to have Coach Kragthrope in hot water. Louisville was not supposed to be unbelievable this year, but a run at the Big East title was not completely unheard of. Sitting at 5-4 overall and 1-3 in conference, Louisville has to pull up an upset of either Cincinnati, West Virginia, or Rutgers to become bowl eligible. If they end the season 5-7 it might be so long for old Coach Kragthrope.

“The Will Herring Award” (to the player that strives to lose the game for his team!):
Darryl Clark, QB for the Penn State Nittany Lions. You are supposed to be the #2 team in the country, and here are the numbers your QB puts up: 9 of 23 passes for a 39% completion average. He threw for zero TDs and one interception. It’s the 39% completion that speaks volumes about what Darryl Clark did. His team needed him to show up in a big way, they knew the defense would not be able to stop Iowa RB Shonn Greene every time. They needed Clark to put up some points and he couldn’t.

“The Voltron Award” (to the QB with a rocket arm, and a sword made of energy. Think about it.):
Nate Davis, QB for the Ball State Cardinals. What did Davis do against a decent Northern Illinois (5-3) team who has the top ranked defense in the MAC? He completed over 80% of his passes, threw for 300 yards, and had 5 TDs, 1 rush 4 passing. He basically had a perfect game. He managed, he made long passes, he made short passes, and he made good decisions. With a little help from Fresno State and BYU Davis may have his Cardinals playing in a BCS Bowl if they win out.

“The Blazer Award” (finding a way to lose since 1991.):
Tennessee Volunteers. I hate Tennessee, but this was a brutal win. Its homecoming, you’ve lost your coach, what you need is a good beat down of Wyoming right? I didn’t really know how to feel about is when I heard the final score. You lost to a team who missed the extra point on their interception return, practically inviting you to win the game with two TDs. Then they shut you out in the 4th quarter. I don’t know what to say. Maybe Fulmer is lucky to be leaving.

“Team of the Week” (I hope I don’t have to explain this):
Utah Utes. I don’t think anyone, including yours truly thought Utah could beat TCU, but the Utes surprised me with good defense and just enough offense. Now Brian Johnson and company have San Diego State and BYU. If they can knock off both those teams then they might be heading to a BCS bowl.

Five for Friday: Kirk's Awesome Edition

Five for Friday!


LSU ends Bama’s National Title dreams. Let me say this before people start calling me pessimistic. There’s no doubt that I am a glass is half empty Bama fan, but I really think this is our week to fall. Alabama is a better team than LSU, but all good teams have their waterloo. Oklahoma had Texas, Texas had Texas Tech, Florida had Ole Miss, and USC had Oregon State. This year for Bama it will be LSU for us. LSU will win a tough game, and leave Bama fans hoping we can break two and six year losing streaks with Mississippi State and Auburn to finish out the year in Atlanta.

Penn State blows out Iowa in supposed “Trap Game.” It’s coming right, the letdown for the Penn State Nittany Lions, maybe even this week when they travel to Iowa. Nope, don’t think so. Penn State will beat Iowa in convincing fashion and enjoy watching Alabama blow it against LSU and as you’ll read later watch Texas Tech fall against the Cowboys. Whether Darryl Clark plays or not, Penn State has plenty of talent to blow the Hawkeyes away.

Florida commits a second homicide in the state of Tennessee. Florida traveled to Knoxville, TN and slaughtered the Volunteers. Now they will go to Nashville and repeat the crime, this time with the Vanderbilt Commodores. Vanderbilt lost a heart-wrenching game to Duke (it would have made them bowl eligible), and they won’t rebound by even keeping this game interesting. Look for Florida’s Tebow, Harvin, and others to dominate every aspect of the game and win by at least 4 TDs.

North Carolina finds a way around the Georgia Tech defense. Georgia Tech has really impressed me this year. They have a stifling defense and one of the best rushing attacks in the country. The problem for the Yellow Jackets is the fact that they rank 116th in passing offense. They will not be able to run the ball down the throats of North Carolina who is fairly good and stopping the run. Josh Nesbitt is going to have to go to the air against the Tar Heels, and that will be their downfall. North Carolina wins a close one.

Oklahoma State outguns the Red Raiders. Two phenomenal quarterbacks face two extremely bad secondarys. Oklahoma State and Texas Tech rank 93rd and 101st respectively in passing yards allowed this season. Last week we predicted an upset over Texas and we were right, I guess I’ll pick one over Texas Tech now. I think the Cowboys win this one by a TD. I think Zac Robinson and Kendall Hunter will be able to move the ball well on the Red Raider defense, and Graham Harrell can’t quite put enough scoring drives together. Each big matchup from Texas/Oklahoma, to Texas/Oklahoma State, and finally to Texas/Texas Tech have gotten better each week, if the trend continues we might be seeing the best game of the year.

Who the Hell will Win the Big XII South?

Figuring out the Big 12 South


The Big XII South has four teams in the top 10. So who is going to win the division and play probable Missouri in the Big XII championship? Let’s break it down.

Texas Tech is 5-0 in conference and has played: Texas (W)
Texas is 4-1 in conference and has played: Oklahoma (W), Oklahoma State (W), and Texas Tech (L)
Oklahoma is 4-1 in conference and has played: Texas (L)
Oklahoma State is 4-1 in conference and has played: Texas (L)

So what does this mean? I will now break down what will have to happen for each team to go the Big XII championship game.
Texas has already played their three main opponents. They beat two of them and lost to one. If Texas wins the rest of their games, they have to hope that Texas Tech gets beat twice in conference. A one loss Texas Tech team holds the tie-breaker over a one loss Texas team, but has the tiebreaker over a one loss Oklahoma or Oklahoma State team.
Texas Tech of course can just win out and go. If however, they lose to Oklahoma State or Oklahoma they will have to win out and hope that either Oklahoma or Oklahoma State loses to one other team. Then they would go to the Big XII championship.
Oklahoma and Oklahoma State have pretty much the same road. They both need to beat Texas Tech, hope that Texas loses to one of their remaining opponents. They play each other at the end of the year, so if they both beat Tech and Texas gets upset again, the winner of the Sooner/Cowboy game would represent the Big XII South.

How I see it Playing Out
Week 11: Oklahoma State beats Texas Tech
Weeks 11-14: Texas wins out beating Texas A&M, Baylor, Kansas
Week 13: Oklahoma beats Texas Tech
Week 14: Oklahoma beats Oklahoma State
Week 15: Texas vs. Missouri (Big XII Championship Game)

My Week 10 Wrap-Up

My Week 10 Wrap-up


Everything behind the break here

I will be handing out 10 awards after every week of college football. These awards are not “official” NCAA awards, but they do come with fabulous prizes. The prizes mostly consist of Drew doing some kinky things with the head coaches. I try not to ask questions. Anyway, here we go.

“The William Wallace Award” (awarded to player with enough guts to yell as he gets decapitated!)
Michael Crabtree, WR for the Texas Tech Red Raiders. I’ll get into “the play” in another award. I’ve got to say though, Michael Crabtree showed that he has some guts. Catching the ball and running out of bounds would have probably been the safe thing to do, but Crab went to the end zone and won the game. Of course no one realized at the time that if Crabtree had been tacked in field, the game is over. But the former high school QB turned WR overcame two defenders and plunged into the end zone for a heroic win over the #1 team in the country.

“The Big Man, Small Penis Award” (to the team that seemed big, but disappointed in the end)
Tulsa Golden Hurricanes. Tulsa was doing very well for itself. They were undefeated, blowing out lesser competition, and putting up very impressive numbers. To almost guarantee an undefeated season, and maybe a slim shot at a BCS bowl they had to beat Arkansas, but it just didn’t happen. A strong start, and a good 96 yard kick return by Dennis Johnson secured a 30-23 win for Arkansas and gives the Razorbacks a good building block win for next year’s team.

“The Fuck You Award” (awarded to the team everyone hates, that lost because everyone hates them)
Georgia Bulldogs. I don’t give this award to Georgia because they lost. They get this award because of how they loss. I, like everyone else in the country, thought Florida would win this game, but no one saw this coming. Florida absolutely dominated the Dawgs in almost every aspect of the game. Tebow played like a man on fire. Georgia had an interception in the Gator’s first drive that was called back for hands to the face. After that nothing went right for Georgia. Georgia fans have had two big games this year against Alabama and Florida, they could not step up for either game.

“The Do You Believe in Miracles Award” (awarded to a team that pulled the miracle play or upset)
Michael Crabtree scores TD with 1 second remaining. Unless you’ve been in a cave this weekend you’ve probably seen this play a bunch of times. The score was 33-32 and Texas Tech had driven well into field goal range. With 1 timeout and about 8 seconds on the clock Tech ran one more play. Harrell threw the ball to star WR Michael Crabtree who made the grab at the sidelines, shook two defenders, and sprinted into the endzone with one second left on the clock. The Red Raider fans poured onto the field, but were cleared so Tech could kick off too Texas. Texas failed to get anywhere and Tech had pulled the upset.

“The Goliath Beats David Award” (awarded to the power house team that murdered a shitty team)
Oklahoma beats up Nebraska. I refuse to say a lot about this sham of a game. Once again Oklahoma put a zillion points against a crappy defense, and they allowed a few pity TDs. Bradford looked good, the receivers looked good, and Nebraska looked bad, blah, blah, blah, blah.


“The Drawn & Quartered Award” (for the coach that is going to be fired and murdered by his fans)
Tommy Tuberville, Head Coach of the Auburn Tigers. Poor Tubs, after Auburn’s bitter loss to Ole Miss, he looked like a man who knew his fate. The only way Tuberville will be kept on as coach is if he can beat Alabama at home, and even then they would be fools to keep him for just that reason. Eventually Auburns fans have to ask themselves if Tubs is worth the money. In ten years he’s delivered one SEC title. Only time will tell what happens to Tubs as Auburn will more than likely miss out on a bowl and a winning season. God speed you big-ear weirdo.

“The Will Herring Award” (to the player that strives to lose the game for his team!)
Marcus Sims, RB for the Florida State Seminoles. Georgia tech had a slim 31-28 lead but Florida State was right on the goal line. They handed the ball off to Marcus Sims who plunged into the endzone, sadly the ball did not follow suit. A Georgia Tech helmet struck the ball which went up for grabs and was recovered by Georgia Tech. Sometimes it’s not accurate to tell a player a loss is his entire fault, but in this case it actually holds pretty true.

“The Voltron Award” (to the QB with a rocket arm, and a sword made of energy. Think about it.)
Tim Tebow, QB of the Florida Gators. The guy who I had in mind when I created this award has finally won it. Tebow did everything right in this game. He threw for two TDs and ran for three more. I think that loss to Ole Miss really effected Tebow, and every week since then he has come ready to play. Right now no one is playing better football then the Florida Gators and Tim Tebow.

“The Blazer Award” (finding a way to lose since 1991.)
UAB Blazers. The namesake for this award finally gets to win it. The Blazers got beat down by Southern Mississippi 70-14. This football team is going nowhere fast. Webb the Blazer QB was picked off four times and Southern Miss scored TD after TD. Don’t worry UAB, you may be the worst team in Conference USA, but you’re the 4th best FBS team from Alabama.

“Team of the Week” (I hope I don’t have to explain this)
Florida Gators. Florida has looked great against LSU and Kentucky and damn near perfect against the Georgia Bulldogs. Even though they aren’t #1 (Roll Tide!) they look like the best team in the country. But they still have four games and three of them are not easy games. They will probably handle Vandy and absolutely destroy the Citadel. However, South Carolina is playing very tough defense, and the Florida State Seminoles would love to hand the Gators a loss to end the year. All that being said Urban Myer has done everything he can since the puzzling loss to Ole Miss to give Florida its best chance to get into the BCS Championship game.