Why This Site Has Sucked... Lately

I can’t actually explain why this site sucks so much in general, as Kirk does a good job of trying to bring up the general level of quality and factual content around here, but I can explain the lack of updates for the past few weeks.

I thought about going with the old “work was really busy and I was out of town for a week for vacation” bit, but I knew that all four of the people who read this site would never buy that as an excuse. So here’s the true story: Evil ass garden gnomes have conspired to destroy this site, and with it, the very fabric of America (that may be a bit of an overstatement, but go with me here). These little buggers are like that Travelocity roaming gnome, except instead of getting you moderately priced travel bundles, they take down your internet connection, slash your tires, and punch you in the groin when you’re in line for pretzels at the mall (or as I like to call it: my most vulnerable moment).

So there you have it. There’s your explanation. The only way that we can stop this travesty and get this site back on track is to do the following: Take every garden gnome you find and throw it into the closest trash compactor. This is the only way that we, the Dammit Herring army will be able to continue our campaign for global dominat… er… I mean this is the only way that I’ll be able to update on a more regular basis. Yeah, that’s it.