Week 8 Wrap Up: Flat Stanley Edition

I will be handing out 10 awards after every week of college football. These awards are not “official” NCAA awards, but they do come with fabulous prizes. The prizes mostly consist of Drew doing some kinky things with the head coaches. I try not to ask questions. Anyway, here we go.

“The William Wallace Award” (awarded to player with enough guts to yell as he gets decapitated!):
Chris Turner, QB for the Maryland Terrapins. Maryland is at the top of the ACC right now after shutting out #21 Wake Forest. It’s very rare to shutout a college football team let alone a good team like Wake Forest. Knowing that Wake had a good rush defense Chris Turner delivered a gutsy performance and went to the air for three over 300 yards and a score. The Terps may be Orange Bowl bound (wow that sounds weird).

“The Big Man, Small Penis Award” (to the team that seemed big, but disappointed in the end):
BYU Cougars. There was hardly any shake-up in the top ten rankings this week except for the fact that the Cougars got the smack down by the Horned Frogs of TCU. The major BCS buster is officially busted (how many times has that line been used this weekend) and can only look forward to playing spoiler to Utah. Oh well, you still beat UCLA like a zillion to zero.

“The Fuck You Award” (awarded to the team everyone hates, that lost because everyone hates them):
Michigan State Spartans. I know what you are thinking, who hates Michigan State? I really can’ think of anyone, but obviously someone hates them because they were beaten 45-7 at home in a game many thought they would win. So much for the Spartans shot at the Rose Bowl. With Javon Ringer going to the NFL, it might be a while before they get another shot.

“The Do You Believe in Miracles Award” (awarded to a team that pulled the miracle play or upset):
Garcia gets stopped by a ref in the LSU game. The defender approached South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia who had found a hole, and slammed his shoulder into Garcia’s chest. Which LSU defender made this great play you ask? None of them did. It was little ole’ Wilber Hackett Jr. a reliable ref for SEC games. Mr. Hackett immediately received scholarship offers from Syracuse, Washington State, and Texas A&M.

“The Goliath Beats David Award” (awarded to the power house team that murdered a shitty team):
USC destroys a Terrible Washington State. Talk about Goliath beating David. USC crushed Wazzou and ate their soul. USC could literally have named their score in this game. I think right now that Washington State is worse than many Washington high school teams right now.

“The Drawn & Quartered Award” (for the coach that is going to be fired and murdered by his fans):
Sylvester Croom, Head Coach of the Mississippi State Bulldogs. Vandy got Croomed two weeks ago, but his week Sylvester was Fulmered in Tennessee. I like Sly Croom, and he had a great season last year. But this year was supposed to be even better and it is a million times worse. Last year they went 8-5 with a bowl win. This year they won’t have a winning record with almost the same team they had last year. Eventually Mississippi State will have to show Croom the door.

“The Will Herring Award” (to the player that strives to lose the game for his team!):
Riley Skinner, QB for the Wake Forest Demon Deacons. Wake Forest had a chance do something this year, but it got a lot harder after being shut out by Maryland on Saturday. Skinner went for just over 100 yards with no TD passes. He is supposed to be the leader of this team, but failed to impress as his team was stomped. He was under .500 for completions, and failed to be able to inspire his team.

“The Voltron Award” (to the QB with a rocket arm, and a sword made of energy. Think about it.):
David Johnson, QB for the Tulsa Golden Hurricanes. Did anyone see the end zone to end zone pass that David Johnson threw this weekend? If you didn’t you missed one of the most beautiful (yes beautiful) passes I have ever seen. Under pressure and standing in his zone, Johnson threw a gem of a ball right into the hands of his receiver. The pass was 50+ yards and the WR ran it in the rest of the way. Oh yeah and he added 4 more TD passes and over 400 yards. If the NFL isn’t look at this guy they should.

“The Blazer Award” (finding a way to lose since 1991.):
Iowa State Cyclones. More often than not the bottom of the SEC is Vanderbilt. In the Big 12 most of the time it’s Iowa State. Many people don’t even know the Cyclones are in the Big 12. They beat two bad teams to start the year and have now lost four straight, including a 38-10 drubbing by Baylor. This week they play Texas A&M in what is probably the two worst teams in the Big 12 going head to head. It is probably both teams only chance for a Big 12 win.

“Team of the Week” (I hope I don’t have to explain this):
Ohio State Buckeyes. I did not see this coming. In fact if you read “six for Saturday” you’ll know I picked the Spartans to win. After a 45-7 thumping of Michigan State (on the road) OSU looked every bit the #1 preseason team that many people claimed them to be. If the Buckeyes had played like that last year they might have pulled off a National Championship. This week they are playing in what is probably the Big Ten Championship game. If they win they will probably be heading to the Rose Bowl. Surely they couldn’t go to the BCS Championship game, or could they?