40 Lb Box of Rape

The 40 lb box of rape has returned! After never successfully predicting which game would be the most lopsided of the week, we’ve decided to make this a recap of the worst beating that actually occurred the previous weekend. Enjoy the surprise sex synopsis (there’s some alliteration for your Engrish majors).

This week’s convicted sex offenders are the USC Trojans, who hung 69 points on Washington State in a brutal shutout. Dirty Sanchez threw five touchdown passes in the first half, and hung out at the Waffle House down the street during the entire second half. The Cougars gave up an impressive 163 yards on 23 sacks. And the bulk of that was likely against USC’s fourth string defensive unit, two cameramen who just wanted to jump in for a few plays, and six members of the crowd chosen at random, including one guy in a wheelchair. The guy in the wheelchair got one of the sacks. I guess what I’m trying to say is, Washington State is bad. This beating is not really as impressive as the Cougars have allowed 66, 63, and 66 points in their other three conference losses, but I’m willing to ignore that for the sheer joy of typing “69 point shutout”. See? That was fun. Totally worth it.

Oregon State is 2 - 2

Good for the Pac 10. Their lower tier teams are finally showing some life, as Oregon St. showed last night. This should bode well for USC, as they’ll finally have something to back up their argument that the Pac 10 isn’t a grazing field for undeserving National Championship bids…

Oh that’s right. This doesn’t bode well for USC at all, as they were the team that lost to Oregon St. last night. In fact, it kind of supports the arguments of everyone who was hating on USC this year (and Slowhio State last year), saying that a good team going undefeated in a weak conference does not deserve an automatic National Championship bid. I’ve long contended that the only reason that USC is given as much slack as they get is because they are located in the largest media market in the country, so I’ll be interested to see if they continue to be billed as a “National Title contender” or if they will be written off entirely, a la the Suckeyes. Speaking of the Suckeyes, they are probably hanging their heads further in shame, as logic (not real logic, but the kind that favors my arguments only) dictates that they are now worse than Oregon St.

So what happened? The Beavers’ freshman running back Jacquizz Rodgers, who has the scariest looking teeth I’ve ever seen, hung 187 rushing yards on USC’s defense on 37 attempts and got in the end zone for 2 TDs. Quarterback Lyle Moevao was more than competent, completing 18 of 28 for 167 yards and 2 TDs. The Oregon St. defense held the Trojans to a whopping 0 points in the first half, and entered the 3rd quarter with a 21 – 0 lead.

USC made some decent half time adjustments, scoring 14 points in the 3rd quarter, and putting together an impressively quick drive for another 7 points at the end of the 4th. The USC defense also woke up, and blocked a field goal midway through the 4th.

In the end, the Beavers had too much momentum on their side, and a pick returned to the Trojans’ 2 yard line with less than 3 minutes to play, resulting in a Oregon St. TD, sealed the game. It was one of the most interesting Thursday night games I’ve ever seen, and well worth the sleep I lost catching the whole shebang. And now the rest of the season can hopefully play out free from the OSU/USC hype that seems to have dominated college football for the last six years or so. Yeah, and a tiny Columbian man named Juan will probably deliver fresh roasted coffee beans to my front door on Saturday morning. Actually, both would be pretty cool.