The Cristal Baller: South Carolina

Welcome to the Cristal Baller, where we make wholly unsubstantiated predictions on how all of the SEC teams will be performing in the 2009 season. Just like in Hollywood casting, couch time is rewarded with preferential treatment.

South Carolina vs. NC State was the first game I watched last year. South Carolina put up a great 34-0 win on the Wolfpack and the future seemed bright once again for Spurrier and company, but South Carolina can always find a way to become a marginal team. The Gamecocks finished the year with a disappointing 6-6 record that included losses to Vandy, Georgia, a beating by hated rival Clemson and an absolute murder by Florida (56-6).

Spurrier has to make something happen this year. I’m not saying he is in the hot seat, but he might realize after another fruitless year that he will never be able to get it done at South Carolina. He might retire. Stephen Garcia looks to return as quarterback and the defense is always good. The time has to be now for South Carolina. In the past the Gamecocks could always say, well at least we are better than Vanderbilt. After last year’s loss that might not be the case anymore.

Season Predictions: 6-6

North Carolina State 20 South Carolina 17

Once again these two kick off the football season on Thursday night. I think the outcome will be very different this year. NC State looked tough and got better as the year ended, South Carolina got worse as the season wore on. I like the Wolfpack to squeak out a win at home.

Georgia 24 South Carolina 13

I just don’t think South Carolina will be able to do much offensively to Georgia at home. Georgia’s offensive line might be the best in the SEC this year (no I’m not being sarcastic) and should get lots of yardage out of their passing game.

South Carolina 31 Florida Atlantic 13

Two losses to start of the year makes the Gamecocks really mad and they will take it out on a decent but overmatched Florida Atlantic team. I’d like to see a Gamecock and an Owl (FAU’s mascot) fight before I watch this game.

Ole Miss 17 South Carolina 10

In what will be very similar to the Georgia v. South Carolina game last year. I predict that Ole Miss drives down the field and makes a touchdown late in the fourth to beat a very, very subdued stadium.

South Carolina 38 South Carolina State 0

Ever seen a fight between MMA fighter Chuck Liddell and an old arthritic woman, this game might resemble that. Except the old woman has a chance.

South Carolina 17 Kentucky 3

This game has the feel of an almost shutout game. Maybe Kentucky squeaks a field goal by a very good South Carolina defense, but don’t bet on it.

Alabama 17 South Carolina 14

In this game I think both teams probably struggle to throw the ball. I like Bama’s running game better than the Gamecocks and so I like them to win.

South Carolina 24 Vanderbilt 14

Spurrier had bad diarrhea after his squad got beat by Vanderbilt last year. This year Spurrier says no to diarrhea and no to losing to Vandy. I like the USC defense in this game.

South Carolina 21 Tennessee 17

Steve Spurrier (the old king of being an ass) vs. Lane Kiffin (the new king of being a dick), its games like this when I think, how can both of these guys get beat. I like the Spurrier after all there is only so much Eric Berry can do.

South Carolina 28 Arkansas 14

The Gamecocks win their 3rd straight SEC game by stopping Petrino and the Razorback offense dead in its tracks. ESPN starts saying that next week’s game against Florida could be a trap game for the Gators. AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!

Florida 28 South Carolina 3

Spurrier would love to get this win over his old team. But hell I want work for ESPN and take Chris Fowler’s job. It’s more likely I’ll get what I want Spurs.

Clemson 17 South Carolina 10

This “rivalry” makes me think of naked women, because usually when it’s on TV I think about naked women instead of watching this usually boring fiasco. But since I have to pick a winner, why not Clemson, they’ve done it the past two years.