Week 13 Wrap Up: Bikinis!

I will be handing out 10 awards after every week of college football. These awards are not “official” NCAA awards, but they do come with fabulous prizes. The prizes mostly consist of Drew doing some kinky things with the head coaches. I try not to ask questions. Anyway, here we go.

“The William Wallace Award” (awarded to player with enough guts to yell as he gets decapitated!):
Demarco Murray, RB for the Oklahoma Sooners. Why does Murray get this award? For most of the year I’ve heard talk that Murray and other Sooner RBs were the weak part of the mighty Sooner offense. Not this week. Murray ran all over the field for 125 yards, 2 TDs, and also 70 yards worth of receptions. Give the player of the game award to Bradford if you want, but he had all day to throw the ball. Murray simply pounded away. He was almost never stopped.

“The Big Man, Small Penis Award” (to the team that seemed big, but disappointed in the end):
Texas Tech Red Raiders. I think a lot of people thought that Oklahoma was going to win this ball game. Almost every Big 12 showdown this year has come down to who has the ball last. But this game was nothing short of an embarrassment for the Red Raiders. Bradford, Murray, the Oklahoma defense all came up big against Texas Tech. Harrell did fine, but not up to his normal standards and ditto for Crabtree. Oklahoma’s defense came to play and the Texas Tech defense finally showed their true colors. Texas Tech saw its National Championships, Big 12 Title, and Heisman hopes get dashed in one game.

“The Fuck You Award” (awarded to the team everyone hates, that lost because everyone hates them):
Maryland Terrapins. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Does anyone want to win the damned ACC? This week it was Miami and Maryland who controlled things. Guess what happened, they both got beat. Maryland was absolutely embarrassed at home by a fired up Florida State team. FSU scored plenty of points and stifled the Maryland offense. Once again it looks like the ACC championship game will come down to Boston College vs. Virginia Tech. Won’t that be a treat to watch?

“The Do You Believe in Miracles Award” (awarded to a team that pulled the miracle play or upset) :
Oregon State’s last minute bomb sets up a game winning field goal. The Beavers provided a very exciting game on the Versus channel for those of you who were bored watching Oklahoma spank Texas Tech. Down 17-16 with about 50 seconds left, Oregon State’s QB Sean Canfield hit a wide open Sammie Stroughter for a 47 yard pass. The Beavers ran down the clock, and kicker Justin Kahut (who had just missed a PAT) hit a 24 yard field goal as time expired to win the game. Mike Riley and the Beavers smell the Roses, and only the “Civil War” with Oregon stands in their way.

“The Goliath Beats David Award” (awarded to the power house team that murdered a shitty team):
Florida spanks the Citadel. I won’t dignify this game with a comment. Except for that one. And that one.

“The Drawn & Quartered Award” (for the coach that is going to be fired and murdered by his fans):
Charlie Weis, Head Coach of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Notre Dame needs to find some buyout money quick because Notre Dame is sinking fast. Weis needs to come clean and tell the world he was just not meant for the college game. Sorry Charlie but losing to Syracuse proves you don’t belong.

“The Will Herring Award” (to the player that strives to lose the game for his team!):
Max Hall, QB for the BY U Cougars. So you are playing your hated in-state rival and have the potential not only to stop them from going to a BCS bowl, but maybe get a chance to go yourself. What does your starting QB do? Why he throws 5 interceptions of course. The BYU and Max Hall that played TCU showed up again for this game. It cost the Cougars bragging rights, a BCS berth, and most of their dignity.

“The Voltron Award” (to the QB with a rocket arm, and a sword made of energy. Think about it.):
Darryl Clark, QB of the Penn State Nittany Lions. One week you win the “Will Herring” award and two weeks later you a “Voltron award” winner. Darryl Clark had a fantastic game against Michigan State, shredding the Spartan defense for almost 400 yards and 4 TDS, not to mention a running TD. How do those Roses smell Lions? Can we say rematch with Oregon State? Can we say some disappointed Pasadena residents?

“The Blazer Award” (finding a way to lose since 1991.):
Notre Dame Fighting Irish. I won’t go into details since I’ve already talked about this game and team a lot. Notre Dame has great talent and still stinks. It’s nobody’s fault but the coaches. I feel really bad for the seniors. Your final home game and you lose to Syracuse. It doesn’t get worse than that.

“Team of the Week” (I hope I don’t have to explain this):
Oklahoma Sooners. Was it me or did every offensive player on Oklahoma look huge? Oklahoma did almost everything right in this game. They scored rushing TDs, they scored passing TDs, they intercepted Harrell, they picked up fumbles and ran them back for huge yards, and they played stifling defense. Mike Leach looked clueless, the Red Raider o-line looked disgruntled, and Harrell and Crabtree looked flustered. Oklahoma is in the driver’s seat to play in the BCS National Championship game. Scoreboard bitches!