The Coors Light Knight’s Week 3 College Football Awards

The Coors Light Knight’s Week 3 College Football Awards
(No one that plays a FCS team gets an award, unless you get beat by that FCS team! Teams that play other good teams get more consideration!)

Best Quarterback Award (For that quarterback who’s so good he makes you sick!)
Jacory Harris, Quarterback for the Miami Hurricanes
Are the Hurricanes back? All signs point to maybe, probably. I don’t think they are ready for a national title yet but with Jacory Harris putting up 3 TD passes and 270 yards with no picks they are getting in the neighborhood. The Canes play Virginia Tech on the road next week to pretty much decide who will win the ACC.

Best Running Back Award (Hey Big 12, there’s this thing called a tailback that can rush the ball!)
Jahvid Best, Running Back for the California Golden Bears
I hate giving this award to a player I gave it to two weeks ago but come on! 131 yards and five TDs in one game, who else but the soon to be All-American running back can I give it to.

Best Wide Receiver Award (It’s a good chance the winner will go on to be a NFL diva)
Eric Decker, Wide Receiver for the Minnesota Golden Gophers
This was an absolute no brainer. Decker caught two of the three touchdown passes and 119 yards for the Gophers in a loss to California. Why didn’t he catch the third TD pass? Well because he was the one who THREW the third TD pass in a great trickeration play. Great game by Decker!

Best Defensive Team (Did your opponent score in single digits. Then step on up!)
Washington Huskies
This was a close one between the Huskies and Auburn who had six turnovers. But this award goes to Washington because who the hell thought Washington would win this game with defense. Also Auburn allowed like 300 rushing yards. Not only did the Washington D force three turnovers they didn’t allow a SINGLE third down conversion. Steve Sarkisian might just be the right man for this job after all.

Worst Defensive Team (Did your opponent put up 40? Then you stink at defense!)
Arkansas Razorbacks
Ryan Mallet may be the best quarterback in the SEC, but the Razorback defense is going to have to learn to stop the other team from scoring. Mallet can’t score on every drive. In a terrible defensive effort by both teams Arkansas allowed Georgia 500 yards of offense, 6 TDs, and three field goals. Wow, that is a hell of a lot of scoring.

Surprise Team of the Week (This award can either be to a winner or loser. It has to be surprising though!)
Tennessee Volunteers
What happened Tebow and Meyer? I thought this would be a blowout. I don’t know if this means Tennessee is better than we thought or Florida is worse. Florida returned 95% of a national championship team this year and yet they looked extremely average against the Volunteers who really put a lot into this game. Monte Kiffin, Lane’s daddy, really knows his defense. A very solid game for the Volunteers, if it weren’t for the UCLA loss I might think Tennessee a contender this year.

Dud of the Week (To the worst player, coach, or team of the week)
BYU Cougars
Holy crap and a half! I thought FSU might squeeze a victory here but not the absolute dominating beat down that they put on the Cougars. It seemed like Florida State players were all over the field, and Max Hall was very ineffective. Max Hall threw for three interceptions one of which was returned for a TD. BYU believed all the hype it was getting, so did the rest of the world. Florida State didn’t and it showed on Saturday.

Coach on the Hot Seat (Who’s about to lose their job? Let’s find out!)
Bill Stewart, Head Coach of the West Virginia Mountaineers
I promise this is not a smack against Auburn who played very well the last three quarters of the game Saturday night, but to me Bill Stewart looks like an old man just getting in the way out on the sideline. His team struggled to hang with a team that they were running all over in the first quarter. An away loss to Auburn is not the end of the world, but I think it’s becoming clearer that this job is not for Stewart.

Player of the Week (Which player willed his team to victory? It was probably this guy)
Tyrod Taylor, Quarterback for the Virginia Tech Hokies
Say what you want to about Tyrod Taylor’s arm but he made two clutch passes when his team needed him to. First the awesome 80 yard pass to Danny Coale, and then a threaded needle pass to Dyrell Roberts in the endzone of 3rd and goal with several defenders about to bring him the pain. Very clutch throwing from a quarterback not known for his passing. He saved his team from starting the season 1-2.

Team of the Week (To the team that had the best week, and not just a win, to the team that had the best win)
Washington Huskies
You can almost set your clock by USC. The Trojans will get beat by an unranked PAC-10 at some point in the year. That being said thank you to both teams for a very exciting game. There were three Washington fans cheering for the Huskies in Drew’s den this weekend. Almost everyone likes seeing USC go down. Jake Locker made some very good clutch throws down the stretch, and the defense really played good against Aaron Corp and the USC offense. Time to start drinking the purple Kool-Aid!

Nobody's Talking About Auburn

Check the college football front pages of ESPN, SI, or Fox Sports MSN. You won’t find a single solitary article on Auburn’s 41-30 victory over West Virginia. And frankly, I couldn’t be happier.

While the sports media fawns over Washington’s 16-13 upset over USC (deservedly so) and Florida’s non-blowout of Tennessee, Auburn continues to fly under the radar, able to focus on getting a little bit better each game without the expectations and scrutiny of the national media setting us up for a letdown. This is where we traditionally operate best: Low or no expectations for greatness.

But the performance under low expectations is where the “traditionally” caveat ends with this Auburn team, as very little else about the 2009 Tigers falls into the typical AU behavior of the last decade or so. Sure, we still run the ball better than most, but who can remember the last time that our offense was last man standing in a shootout, much less coming from behind to do so?

I’m going to air my single gripe about the defense now, and then move on to everything else the Tigers did well (sandwich criticism be damned). The defensive front missed tackles like they were court ordered paternity tests. I realize that the horrific weather played a part in this, but it appeared to even the most objective of observers that West Virginia QB Jarrett Brown and RB Noel Devine had their uniforms coated in a secret mixture of baby oil and Teflon. On Devine’s second touchdown run, he was touched once before the line of scrimmage and three times afterwards. No one came even close to taking him down.

The only reason that the defense gets somewhat of a pass on the terrible tackling is the six turnovers that they caused. I just had a huge grin spread over my face while typing that. As difficult as it was to watch Brown break contain time and time again and slice through the defensive front, seeing the look on his face when he threw his final interception of the game made me happier than the little kid who was crying when Slowhio State was getting drummed in the 07 National Championship game. Brown seems to be a solid player with a lot of talent, so I hope that his injury towards the end of the game isn’t serious.

Auburn’s offense, despite having a familiar roster, looks like they are from an entirely different team this year. Gene Chizik’s coaching philosophy seems to be resonating with the players, and Gus Malzahn’s offense is proving to be adaptable enough to deal with anything opposing defenses have put up so far. I realize that we “only played West Virginia”, but the Mountaineers are no slouches and have a very troublesome offense (despite having an absolute imbecile for a coach. Yes, I’m talking about you, Bill Stewart. Can someone please put that message into crayon pictures so he can understand what I’m saying?).

If Auburn continues to build on the successes that we’ve had so far, and works out the defensive kinks that were very evident on Saturday night, we have the chance to surprise a lot of people. I was asked this morning if I was disappointed that we weren’t ranked in the top 25 on the AP or Coaches Poll, and my answer was an emphatic “No”. The hardest team that we’ve beaten is West Virginia, and we don’t actually know how good they are. We have control over one thing regarding rankings, and that is whether or not we win. If we continue to win games, and with a beleaguered Ball State coming up next week at least one more win is likely, then we control our destiny in the SEC West, and possibly beyond. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to start praying in advance that Eric Berry gets the swine flu sometime around October 3rd.

The Coors Light Knight’s Week 2 College Football Awards

The Coors Light Knight’s Week 2 College Football Awards

(No one that plays a FCS team gets an award, unless you get beat by that FCS team! Teams that play other good teams get more consideration!)

Best Quarterback Award (For that quarterback who’s so good he makes you sick!)
Tate Forcier, Quarterback for the Michigan Wolverines
Finally since Chad Henne, Michigan might have a good stable quarterback. Forcier threw one pick but he also threw for 2 TDs. He also can run the ball like a running back. He had 70 yards rushing including a great TD run through some Notre Dame defenders. Things are finally looking up for the maize and blue.

Best Running Back Award (Hey Big 12, there’s this thing called a tailback that can rush the ball!)
Ryan Williams, Running Back for the Virginia Tech Hokies
After a tough loss to Alabama the Hokies needed a big win. The only problem Tyrod Taylor can't throw the ball. The answer is new running back Ryan Williams who tore up the Marshall defense for 3 TDs and 164 yards. I know its Marshall but thats still damn impressive.

Best Wide Receiver Award (It’s a good chance the winner will go on to be a NFL diva)
Greg Salas, Wide Receiver for the Hawaii Warriors
This was a tough one for this week but I went with Salas who had 195 yards and a TD against Washignton State. I know it was against a terrible Washington State team but this Hawaii victory was against a BCS team away from home. Maybe Hawaii can make some noise this year.

Best Defensive Team (Did your opponent score in single digits. Then step on up!)
LSU Tigers
Vanderbilt's defense was okay but LSU kept Vandy's offense off the board except for one TD (the other 2 points was a safety). Vandy was kept under 200 yards, they were intercepted by LSU and kept under 200 yards, and only seven offensive points, pretty tough D.

Worst Defensive Team (Did your opponent put up 40? Then you stink at defense!)
Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Everyone thought the Irish's defense would be soft this year. Then they shut-out Nevada and people changed their mind. Wrong! Notre Dame allowed 200 yards passing, seventy yards rushing just from the quarterback, plus another 100 rushing yards. The Dame offense gets an A, but the defense not off to a great start.

Surprise Team of the Week (This award can either be to a winner or loser. It has to be surprising though!)
Bowling Green Falcons
You don't have to win a game to be my Suprise team. A week after handling the Troy Trojans the Falcons almost upset the Missouri Tigers a top 25 team. Sure the Tigers came back with a late TD but I think the Falcons might be the team to beat in the MAC this year.

Dud of the Week (To the worst player, coach, or team of the week)
Oklahoma State Cowboys
Last week the the Georgia Bulldogs were the dud, this week its the team that beat them. After beating a high profile SEC team the Cowboys followed it up with a loss to the Houston Cougars. Now all that being said Houston is a good team. There is no question about that, but with Robinson, Bryant, and Hunter running the offense this should be a top 5 team. Houston proved its not.

Coach on the Hot Seat (Who’s about to lose their job? Let’s find out!)
Dan Hawkins, Head Coach of the Colorado Buffaloes
Hawkins promised that this year would be different. This would be the year things turned around for Colorado. It ain't happening. After a loss to rival Colorado State at home the Buffs went on the road and got smacked around by Toledo. They Rockets scored almost at will on the hapless Colorado defense, the offense staring Hawkins Jr. wasn't much better. I'd love to say its not too late but I think it may be too late for Coach Hawkins.

Player of the Week (Which player willed his team to victory? It was probably this guy)
Joe McKnight, Running Back for the USC Trojans
A lot of love went out to Matt Barkley for the last minute drive that led the Trojans to a victory over the Buckeyes, but to me Joe McKnight did a lot more of the work than Barkley. He made several big runs on long 3rd and 4th downs. Good job by Barkley, great job by McKnight.

Team of the Week (To the team that had the best week, and not just a win, to the team that had the best win)
Houston Cougars
Trade in one cougar team for another. Maybe Washington State will be here next week. Ok now that your done laughing lets talk about Houston. They really played a beautiful game against the Cowboys. It was the 1st top 5 team Houston had beat since 1984 when thet beat Texas. Case Keenum might have might be a dark horse Heisman candidate now, and Houston will be itching to go undefeated so that just in case Boise State and BYU flounder they can jump into the BCS. A win against Texas Tech next week might help them out.

The Coors Light Knight’s Week 1 College Football Awards

The Coors Light Knight’s Week 1 College Football Awards

(No one that plays a FCS team gets an award, unless you get beat by that FCS team! Teams that play other good teams get more consideration!)

Best Quarterback Award (For that quarterback who’s so good he makes you sick!)
Jimmy Clausen, Quarterback for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish
I don’t like Notre Dame or Clausen but he couldn’t have turned in a more perfect game than the one against Nevada. Not only did Clausen put up 315 yards and four touchdowns, he had a quarterback rating of 303.7! For those of you who don’t know if that’s good the next highest rating was 221 by Case Keenum of Houston. Clausen was not sacked once during the game.

Best Running Back Award (Hey Big 12, there’s this thing called a tailback that can rush the ball!)
Jahvid Best, Running Back for the California Golden Bears
The dark horse in the Heisman race peeled of 137 yards against a Maryland team that beat the Golden Bears last year. He ran for two TDs including a gem of one in which he went 73 yards. Best proved he might be the best running back in the country this year.

Best Wide Receiver Award (It’s a good chance the winner will go on to be a NFL diva)
Michael Floyd, Wide Receiver for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish
I hate to give the same team two awards but Floyd deserves this big time. He had the most yards at 189, the most TDs at 3, and had a long TD of 88 yards. With Golden Tate and Floyd, Clausen should have a pretty easy time racking up some major passing yards this year.

Best Defensive Team (Did your opponent score in single digits. Then step on up!)
Boise State Broncos
In a match of ugliest uniform versus ugliest field, Boise State stopped the Ducks cold in the water. They held Mike Tyson wannabe, LaGarrette Blunt to -5 yards and the Oregon offense as a whole to 157 yards. They also had one interception. Whoever said WAC teams can’t play defense needs to keep an eye on the team that plays on the Smurf Turf.

Worst Defensive Team (Did your opponent put up 40? Then you stink at defense!)
Rutgers Scarlet Knights
This was supposed to be Greg Schiano’s year. The year Rutgers would win the Big East and make it the BCS. As Lee Corso would say, "Not so Fast Biatch!’ I think he says it like that. Rutgers picked off Cincinnati once but allowed three passing TDs, two rushing TDs, and 564 yards of offense. I bet Schiano wishes he would have jumped on some of those high profile jobs when they were being offered to him.

Surprise Team of the Week (This award can either be to a winner or loser. It has to be surprising though!)
UAB Blazers
Why everyone in America watched other games, the lowly UAB Blazers kicked the crap out Conference USA rival Rice, beating the Owls 44-24. Quarterback Joe Webb went for 194 yards and two TDs, and by the way those are his RUSHING stats. He also threw for 221 yards and two TD passes. Sure Rice lost a lot of its talent last year, but holy crap did UAB need a win like this against a conference opponent.

Dud of the Week (To the worst player, coach, or team of the week)
Georgia Bulldogs
I know that the Cowboys of Oklahoma State were favored in this game, but most people thought Georgia would make this a very tight game. Wrong! Joe Cox struggled after his first TD drive at the beginning of the game throwing a pick and also fumbling the ball to seal the win for the Boys’. The defense played decently against a very good Oklahoma State offense, but unless Georgia can turn it around offensively they are in for a long year.

Coach on the Hot Seat (Who’s about to lose their job? Let’s find out!)
Al Groh, Head Coach of the Virginia Cavaliers
The coach of the Cavaliers starts the year in the hot seat. So what does he do? His team gets beat badly by FCS school William & Mary. Virginia’s offense was terrible against William & Mary and defense was not great either. Given this travesty of a game, Groh shouldn’t be at Virginia much longer.

Player of the Week (Which player willed his team to victory? It was probably this guy)
Mark Ingram, Running Back for the Alabama Crimson Tide
Say what you want to about the Crimson Tide’s ugly win but no single player was more important to his team than Mark Ingram. Ingram rushed for 150 yards and a TD, not to mention a receiving TD. When Alabama went into the 4th quarter trailing by 1, Ingram put the team on his back and pulled them to a victory against a very solid Virginia Tech defense.

Team of the Week (To the team that had the best week, and not just a win, to the team that had the best win)
BYU Cougars
Do I really need to explain why the cougars are the team of the week? This game ruined not only the chances of an Oklahoma National Championship, but also a second Heisman for Bradford. Despite all that, give it up to BYU getting in back-up QB Landry Jones face all night and keeping Oklahoma off the scoreboard. With a little luck and some great play from BYU, is it possible the Cougars could find their way to Pasadena. The first non-BCS team to play for a National Title? A win against Oklahoma is a good start.

The Cristal Baller: Auburn

Welcome to the Cristal Baller, where we make wholly unsubstantiated predictions on how all of the SEC teams will be performing in the 2009 season. Just like in Hollywood casting, couch time is rewarded with preferential treatment.

[Editor’s note: Kirk and I switched off UA and AU because it’s more fun that way]

Last season, the Auburn Tigers had a problem or two on offense. What shocked me was the defense. Sure Auburn had many solid defensive games, but they were by no means great. Allowing Bama to put up 36 against them, West Virginia put up 34, Arkansas put up 25, and Tennessee-Martin put up 20 on them. They finished with a bad 5-7 record and Tuberville was wrongly shown the door. [Editor's Note: No he wasn't]

Now Tiger faithful enough of the bad news, let’s get to some good stuff. Your defense is always going to be solid and with super stud Antonio Coleman returning Auburn should be fine on defense. Gene Chizik knows how to stop points. The problem for Auburn is that they have no elite players at quarterback and wide receiver. Chris Todd starts at QB for the Tigers and, under the superb coaching of Gus Malzahn, will lead Auburn to a much better season than last year.

Season Predictions: 7-5

Auburn 24 Louisiana Tech 10
La Tech is no pushover, if you don’t believe me ask the Mississippi State Bulldogs who lost one of their first games to the Bulldogs. That being said look for Auburn to get some good throws and great runs against a suspect La Tech defense, and put the clamp down on their offense.

Auburn 17 Mississippi State 10
Auburn will face a tough and resilient Mississippi State defense but will do a lot better against them offensively then they did last year. Mullen cannot improve the Bulldog offense this quick.

Auburn 20 West Virginia 14
Anyone who thinks this is an upset is crazy. Bill Stewart couldn’t coach his way out of a paper bag. Auburn will stamp out an ineffective West Virginia spread and score just enough points to send the Mountaineers crying.

Auburn 28 Ball State 10
This is not the Ball State from last year, both star QB Nate Davis and former head coach Brad Hoke are gone and this team will have nowhere near the success last year’s team did. Coleman and the defense will shut down the Cardinals and Malzahn will light up the score board.

Tennessee 17 Auburn 10
For the first time in the year Auburn comes up against a decent SEC defense and can’t move the ball. Tennessee scores probably on an Eric Berry run back and a lucky long bomb from Stephens. This game is a break even game for Bama fans, someone we hate loses and someone we hate wins. Is there any way they could both lose?

Arkansas 24 Auburn 21
This one will be a very fun game to watch for both the Tigers and the Razorbacks. It will be Auburn’s pretty good defense versus Arkansas’ pretty good offense. I think Mallet will do just enough to squeak his team past Auburn with a last minute field goal drive.

Auburn 28 Kentucky 9
Furious over losing to Tennessee and Arkansas, Auburn plays one of the best games of the year and keeps an anemic Kentucky offense from ever setting foot in a Jordan-Hare endzone. Caudle and Tate also score some points.

LSU 30 Auburn 14
Rarely does Auburn get blown out, but I will predict it here. I fill that Auburn will just be overmatched and will be catching LSU at Tiger Stadium at just the wrong time. The Bengal Tigers will flatten the Auburn Tigers.

Auburn 17 Ole Miss 14
I know I’m insane, but this feels like a loss for Ole Miss. If you’ll remember Auburn hung with Ole Miss last year (at Ole Miss) and Auburn stunk last year. I think Ole Miss will have a last minute drive lead by a determined Snead to kick a field goal for a tie. The kicker will miss, can we say irony.

Auburn 31 Furman 0
Are you kidding me? Furman!? Even compared to Tennessee-Martin and North Texas Furman is pretty damn bad. Auburn wins, I give no more feedback on this game.

Georgia 28 Auburn 17
The bad news for Auburn is that Georgia plays better when they have no expectations. Guess what? This year they don’t. Cox and the Georgia offense will consistently move the ball on Auburn’s worn out and exhausted defense.

Alabama 28 Auburn 17
Chizik is tired and wants to go on vacation, Coleman is already thinking about the NFL, and Todd is wondering what kind of gift bag he’ll get at the Music City Bowl (it will have an iPod in it buddy). Alabama’s o-line plays perfect and McElroy and Ingram shred the Auburn D.

The Cristal Baller: Alabama

Welcome to the Cristal Baller, where we make wholly unsubstantiated predictions on how all of the SEC teams will be performing in the 2009 season. Just like in Hollywood casting, couch time is rewarded with preferential treatment.

[Editor’s note: Kirk and I switched off UA and AU because it’s more fun that way]

Last season, the Alabama Crimson Tide was the semi-Cinderella story of the SEC, going undefeated in the regular season, and losing their last two games in a solid effort against eventual National Champ Florida, and a flat performance against Utah in the Sugar Bowl.

This season, Alabama’s defense looks FILTHY good. Like top 3 in the nation good. They return almost all of their starters, who now have the benefit of another season’s worth of experience under their belt. Offense is the big question mark, having to replace LT (not an easy task since Andre Smith was probably the best LT in the country) and C, while also slotting in new QB Greg McElroy. Look for the Tide to have a rough time offensively (first year QBs in the SEC don’t historically fare very well, especially with two starting OL replacements), but more than compensate with their defensive performance, because we all know defense is what really wins games in the SEC.

Season Predictions: 9-3

Alabama 17 Virginia Tech 14
Look for Bama’s offense to sputter a bit here as they try and get things going against a solid VA Tech squad with an experienced offense. Alabama’s defense will be the key here, more than covering for any offensive miscues.

Alabama 28 Florida International 10
It’s a gimme game. FIU has gotten better in the last few years, but they won’t be able to hang. I’m calling 10 points for FIU because in the 4th, Saban will be putting fans in on D.

Alabama 31 North Texas 14
We’ll call this one “generic sequel to the FIU game” and pretty much be done with it. What the hell, I’m going to predict Bama to have a defensive TD this game. Now it’s interesting.

Arkansas 27 Alabama 24
Everyone is calling Arkansas the dark horse of the SEC west, and I’m inclined to agree. Petrino’s offense looks like it poised to finally take off. I think after two slouch games, the Tide get edged out in the 4th by a field goal.

Alabama 24 Kentucky 10
Kentucky. Fear. These two words do not go together. Much like the words “funny” and “Carlos Mencia”. Again, I’m giving the Wildcats 10 junk points in the 4th because that kind of stuff just happens.

Ole Miss 21* Alabama 17
This prediction has an asterisk beside it because I’m assuming that no more Ole Miss players are going to be arrested for drug possession/DUI or reinjure themselves in car accidents than have already done so. I would give this to Bama, but it’s a home game for the Rebels, who will probably be a bust on the season (they have a tradition of choking) but will somehow pull it together for a home game against the Tide.

South Carolina 17 Alabama 14
This is without a doubt a trap game for Bama. Crammed between Ole Miss and Elaine Kiffin’s squad, Spurrier’s Cocks are in the perfect position for an upset. I think this will be a defensive battle, and could just as easily reverse the scores having Bama win by a FG. For some reason I have a feeling that Spurrier is going to get away with one this year.

Alabama 35 Tennessee 0
This is going to be ugly. I see Bama’s D venting two weeks worth of losses (or at least one, I don’t think they’ll get by both Ole Miss and SC unscathed) on the poor Volunteers. I see this one playing out like last year’s Iron Bowl, only far worse (if that’s possible).

Alabama 28 LSU 21
Bama home game + close win last year + LSU being overrated = Bama beating another team with a cat mascot. I attribute the bulk of LSU’s points to a too-late comeback attempt in the 4th quarter.

Alabama 31 Mississippi St. 6
Dan Mullen is going to have a rough year. Thankfully no one expects him to do anything but get drummed this year. Look for him to meet those expectations in this game.

Alabama 24 Chattanooga 3
Another gimme game. The lower than average score against a low tier team is entirely due to my expectation that Saban will be resting starters prior to the Iron Bowl.

Alabama 21 Auburn 14
And speaking of the Iron Bowl, I look for Auburn to put up a better showing than last year. Ultimately this game will come down to the fact that Bama was smart enough to pick a starting QB in the spring, and the OL and the QB should have enough experience under their belts to win, even in Jordan-Hare.

The Cristal Baller: Florida

Welcome to the Cristal Baller, where we make wholly unsubstantiated predictions on how all of the SEC teams will be performing in the 2009 season. Just like in Hollywood casting, couch time is rewarded with preferential treatment.

Last year Florida was a very talented team, a very, very talented team. They were talented enough to beat Alabama and Oklahoma back to back to win the SEC and BCS Championships. This year they will be a lot better. Really think about that. How can a clear national title winner get that much better? With Urban Meyer as your coach apparently its pretty easy.

Florida is returning a quarterback who is not only the face of college football but could go down as the greatest college player of all time if he scores another Heisman and a third NC. Not to mention they have the best MLB in Brandon Spikes and slew of other five star recruits. It’s simple for the Florida Gators this year: win the title and your season was a success; don’t win a national title and the season was a failure.

Season Predictions: 12-0

Florida 51 Charleston Southern 3
I can quarterback Florida to a victory here. I think Florida will win.

Florida 42 Troy 6
Troy is a lot better team than Charleston, so I think they get two field goals instead of one.

Florida 63 Tennessee 10
Lane Kiffin, did you see what Meyer did to Georgia last year. That was what he does with kid gloves off. You’ve pissed him off, you’ll be lucky if the score of the game is close to my prediction.

Florida 41 Kentucky 17
Unless Tebow, Spikes, and the rest of the Gators gets struck by lightning look for this to be a blowout of epic proportion, as Kentucky does not match up in any way to the mighty Gators.

Florida 31 LSU 24
The only game this year where Florida feels human, if for no other reason than because they play bad in Tiger stadium. However, this year a couple turnovers are not enough to force a Florida defeat.

Florida 45 Arkansas 9
Florida shreds a paltry Razorback defense and though Arkansas will make some yards on Florida they won’t be able to punch it in the end zone.

Florida 42 Mississippi State 3
The only interesting thing about this game is Dan Mullen playing his old boss and protégé. Cheer up Mississippi State fans at least you’ll get to see one good team play in your stadium this year!

Florida 38 Georgia 13
The “World’s Largest Cocktail Party” will be fun for the Georgia fans and the Florida fans. Wait, did I say fun for Florida and Georgia. I meant just Florida.

Florida 41 Vanderbilt 10
I’m bored with typing nice things about Florida. So here’s a fun fact: did you know in your lifetime you will swallow 20,000 spiders. Kind of creepy?

Florida 28 South Carolina 3
Spurrier would love to get this win over his old team. But hell I want work for ESPN and take Chris Fowler’s job. It’s more likely I’ll get what I want Spurs.

Florida 51 Florida International 0
Something good about Florida and demeaning to International and blah, blah, blah . . .

Florida 48 Florida State 24
Florida rounds out a perfect 12-0 season and the people of Gainesville, FL rejoice. Whereas people in either Tuscaloosa, Baton Rouge, or Oxford figure out the best way to kidnap Tebow.