Week 14 Wrap Up: Bat Dance!

I will be handing out 10 awards after every week of college football. These awards are not “official” NCAA awards, but they do come with fabulous prizes. The prizes mostly consist of Drew doing some kinky things with the head coaches. I try not to ask questions. Anyway, here we go.

“The William Wallace Award” (awarded to player with enough guts to yell as he gets decapitated!):
Roddy Jones, RB for the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets. How do you beat the Georgia Bulldogs? Apparently you beat them by running the option over and over again. Roddy Jones racked up a bunch of yards and 2 TDs as the Yellow Jackets competed in a 5k rather than a football game. Though they didn’t win the ACC Coastal division, I think Paul Johnson and company will take a nice bowl and a win between the hedges. The victory ends a seven year losing streak against Georgia.

“The Big Man, Small Penis Award” (to the team that seemed big, but disappointed in the end):
Georgia Bulldogs. What happened Georgia fans? Your team was preseason #1. Now they will have to settle for the Capital One Bowl, maybe even the Cotton Bowl. Those are both good bowls but more than what the Dawgs were hoping for. Georgia ended the year with a poor defensive effort against their hated rivals, the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets. With Stafford probably leaving, the question becomes was this Georgia’s best chance to win a BCS title.

“The Fuck You Award” (awarded to the team everyone hates, that lost because everyone hates them):
Baylor Bears. I have no problem with the Bears; I just really wished they could have beaten the Texas Tech Red Raiders. When they had a 28-14 lead in the 3rd quarter I figured they ha d it in the bag. If they had won the right team in my opinion (The Texas Longhorns) would be the ones going to the Big 12 Championship. Instead Texas must sit on the sidelines and watch two teams it beat play for the Big 12 crown. Just doesn’t seem fair.

“The Do You Believe in Miracles Award” (awarded to a team that pulled the miracle play or upset):
Billy Flutie throws TD pass for Boston College on trick play. It was a perfectly executed fake field goal. Executed by Billy Flutie, nephew of Doug Flutie who could pose for the “Do You Believe in Miracles Award” since he had the most unbelievable play in Boston College (and probably NCAA) history. Billy Flutie, the punter, back-up QB, and holder threw a nine yard pass for the game winning TD. The play fooled me. I didn’t see it coming. His uncle Doug put BC into a big bowl game with his famous Hail Mary. Billy Flutie has kept BC in the mix by getting them into the ACC Championship.

“The Goliath Beats David Award” (awarded to the power house team that murdered a shitty team):
Boise State trounces Fresno State. This award is not very fun. I think I’ll cut it next year.

“The Drawn & Quartered Award” (for the coach that is going to be fired and murdered by his fans):
Les Miles, Head Coach of the LSU Tigers. I hate to say it, but I love to see “The Hat” suffer. Actually I don’t hate it at all. I hate that smug little smile of his. Miles gets this award not because I believe he will be fired (he did just win a national title), but because LSU fans are pissed. Not only did he lose to hated rivals Florida and Alabama, but since the Bama loss LSU has had to overcome a 30 point deficit to knock off Troy and suffered home losses to Ole Miss and Arkansas. Don’t be surprised if Miles jumps at the chance to coach at Washington.

“The Will Herring Award” (to the player that strives to lose the game for his team!):
Pat White, QB for the West Virginia Mountaineers. There have been a couple of people I thought would never be on this list. Pat White was one of them. It wasn’t that I thought he was perfect, but he is usually a very solid player. This week however, as good as he did running (90 yards and a TD) he went for 140 yards and 2 interceptions passing. A QB has got to be able to throw. Pat White just couldn’t get it done against the team that cost him a National Title shot last year.

“The Voltron Award” (to the QB with a rocket arm, and a sword made of energy. Think about it.):
Chase Clement, QB for the Rice Owls. The Owls knocked off the Houston Cougars and stopped them from going to the Conference USA Championship game. It was due in large part to Clement who threw for over 300 yards and five TDs. This guy has been putting up big numbers like that all year. His Houston counterpart put up similar numbers but Clement threw zero interceptions. Advantage Clement.

“The Blazer Award” (finding a way to lose since 1991.):
Central Florida Knights. Why do the Knights get this award? It wasn’t just the fact that they were beaten by the woeful (and namesake for this award) UAB Blazers. They were actually shut-out by UAB. Final score was 15-0. It’s like a really one-sided baseball score. Central Florida was Conference USA champion last year. How the mighty (I guess) have fallen. Shut-out by UAB, it just sounds weird to say.

“Team of the Week” (I hope I don’t have to explain this):
Cincinnati Bearcats. Who was going to win the Big East this year, and go to a BCS Bowl? Like most people I thought the list would run: West Virginia, Pittsburgh, South Florida, and maybe Connecticut; surely not Cincinnati who lost their starting QB Ben Mauk. Instead they beat the Mountaineers, the Panthers, and the Bulls to clinch a share of the Big East title and then beat Syracuse this week to win it outright. Not only did the Bearcats win the Big East they also have won a berth in a BCS Bowl, most likely the Orange Bowl. Hello $17,000,000.00 payout! Use the money to make your stadium bigger.