I will be handing out 10 awards after every week of college football. These awards are not “official” NCAA awards, but they do come with fabulous prizes. The prizes mostly consist of Drew doing some kinky things with the head coaches. I try not to ask questions. Anyway, here we go.“The William Wallace Award” (awarded to player with enough guts to yell as he gets decapitated!):
Kendall Hunter, RB for the Oklahoma State Cowboys. I am giving this guy my gutsiest performance of the week. Playing the mighty Texas Longhorns seemed like too daunting a task for Cowboys, but they looked like every bit a top ten team, and came up just short. Kendall Hunter ran all over the Texas defense, coming up with 168 yard and a TD after he had a bad fumble to start the game. This guy has a heck of a future. What happened to that stifling rush defense Muschamp? Are you too pre-occupied by picking out your new head coaching job?
“The Big Man, Small Penis Award” (to the team that seemed big, but disappointed in the end):
Ohio State Buckeyes. Well the Buckeye defense showed up, but the offense must have overslept. I really expected for OSU to win this game, but while the defense did everything it could, a costly couple of turnovers by Pryor lost them the game. But don’t get down Buckeye nation, Pryor is the real deal and will be great some day. He just wasn’t ready for this kind of spotlight. It showed Saturday night.
“The Fuck You Award” (awarded to the team everyone hates, that lost because everyone hates them)
Tennessee Volunteers. If you thought Bama was not going to be upset this weekend, you might have been the only one. Just about everyone (except Kirk Herbstreet) predicted a Bama fall. But when you are hated as much as Tennessee is hated, it doesn’t just rain it pours. Bama pounded the ball down the field, John Parker played mistake free football, Julio Jones had his first 100 yard game, and every call went against the Volunteers. It seems like everyone hates Tennessee. Alabama hates Tennessee, Auburn hates Tennessee, Georgia hates Tennessee, Florida hates Tennessee, even Tennessee hates Tennessee. Don’t believe the hate, in Bama’s last drive Tennessee stopped Bama at midfield setting up a punt on a 4th and 3. Alabama punted the ball, but guess what; the Vols got a five yard offside flag. Bama’s drive continued and they ran out the clock. It was that kind of day for Tennessee.
“The Do You Believe in Miracles Award” (awarded to a team that pulled the miracle play or upset) :
Roughing passer call saves Texas from interception. The score was 21-14 and Texas was deep in Oklahoma State territory. McCoy threw a pass that was picked off by an Oklahoma State defender at the 10 yard line saving a score. But there was a flag thrown in the backfield. OSU Linebacker Andre Sexton hit McCoy right in the face mask with his hand and Texas got a big break and a new set of downs. McCoy then ran the ball in three yards for a TD making the score 28-14. At the time it didn’t seem like a huge deal because Texas appeared to be running away with the game. But Okie State ended scoring 10 points, and held Texas scoreless the rest of the game. If it hadn’t been for that penalty who knows what would have happened.
“The Goliath Beats David Award” (awarded to the power house team that murdered a shitty team):
Florida steals Kentucky’s soul. How did this happen. I could see Florida beating Kentucky badly, especially when half of the Wildcat’s first string players were injured, but 63-5? A couple of punt blocks, nine TDs, and a great interception return equal a blowout over a bad Kentucky team. Rarely seen Tebow backup John Brantley got three throwing attempts, he completed two of them for 52 yards and a TD.
“The Drawn & Quartered Award” (for the coach that is going to be fired and murdered by his fans):
Frank Beamer, Head Coach of the Virginia Tech Hokies. Yeah that’s right, I think Beamer is on the hot seat, it’s my article. Virginia Tech was definitely supposed to be an ACC contender, but they have already lost their third game this year, two of them are to ACC teams. Now they have lost their starting and secondary quarterbacks. There are probably a few more losses in store for the Hokies. When will they say to Beamer, you just aren’t doing enough. In case you were wondering a firebeamer.com webpage is already up.
“The Will Herring Award” (to the player that strives to lose the game for his team!):
Josh Nesbitt, QB for the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets. This was a hard award to give, but for a Georgia Tech team that was riding high after beating Clemson and finally getting a #21 rank, Tech lost a clunker to Virginia. Nesbitt threw for just over 100 yards with no TDs and a pick. With their final games against Florida State, Miami, North Carolina, and Georgia they will be lucky to end the season with seven wins. Nesbitt has got to figure out a way to move the ball.
“The Voltron Award” (to the QB with a rocket arm, and a sword made of energy. Think about it.):
Graham Harrell, QB for the Texas Tech Red Raiders. It was another day in the park for Graham Harrell, he threw for 386 yards, five TDs, and one rushing TD. He also completed 80% of his passes and threw no interceptions. I can’t give him much more praise, then by listing his stats. They speak for themselves. He just passed Sam Bradford on the Heisman list in my book.
“The Blazer Award” (finding a way to lose since 1991.):
Vanderbilt Commodores. After a win over Auburn and a 5-0 start it looked almost impossible that Vandy would not be bowl eligible this year. But it looks like that is exactly what is going to happen. This is the Vandy we had to know would eventually show up. They have now lost three straight to Mississippi State, Georgia, and Duke. With only Florida, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Wake Forest left, it looks kind of bleak for the slumping Commodores.
“Team of the Week” (I hope I don’t have to explain this):
Texas Tech Red Raiders. This award was not even close. This was the week when I and many people thought Texas Tech would get exposed, they might win sure, but it would come down to the wire. I was very wrong. Tech decimated the Jayhawks, not only dominating on offense, but holding them under 30 points (for an offense like Kansas that is pretty good). They jumped USC in the BCS standings and have a chance to take Texas’ position in the polls if they can beat the Longhorns in the huge match-up at Lubbock next week. The Red Raiders have proved you need very little defense when you can score a gazillion points.
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